3 Questions to Ask About Your Relationship, From Naikan Therapy

In America, we’ve been programmed to pay attention to our needs in relationships. This isn’t a bad thing, but it can make us lose sight of what we give. A good relationship has a balance of give and take.

How do you show up as a partner in your relationship? What do you do to be a good partner? How do you repair when you’ve hurt your partner? What do you get from your partner? This line of questions makes up the heart of Naikan Therapy, a model developed in Japan, based on Buddhist ideas.

The model asks us to consider 3 specific questions aimed at helping us focus on self-reflection.

1. What have I given to my partner that makes their life better?

2. What have I done to harm my partner that I need to repair?

3. What have I received from my partner that makes my life better?

The elegance of this model is profound! Focusing on what we give as partners, more than on what we get as partners allows us create a present and a future that is different from the past. It allows us to step outside of selfishness and move into generosity and kindness. It makes space for taking accountability and repairing.

Consider what you give, what you have done that needs to be repaired, and what you get.

Take a look at this link for more information on Naikan Therapy concepts:

https://positivepsychology.com/naikan-therapy/

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Photo by Monstera: https://www.pexels.com/photo/loving-young-multiracial-lesbian-couple-holding-hands-while-lying-on-bed-at-home-5331159/